Sweet Little Nothings
On the night before Christmas, while Santa and the top reindeer sweated across the night sky delivering presents to the children of the world, all the elves and Mrs. Claus, the second-tier reindeer, and the Abominable Snowman went to the dock and took the yacht out on the arctic ocean for some well deserved relaxation.
Mrs. Claus kept trying to get everyone to dance, but only the elves did, doing jigs in a big circle, mainly because their union had recently succeeded in getting Santa to agree to eight-hour workdays. The second-tier reindeer were moping because they didn’t get to pull the sleigh, and the Abominable Snowman kept doing sit-ups until Mrs. Claus told him it was Abominable, not Abdominal. So he started curling elves to build his biceps.
After a while, everyone just sat and looked at the streaks across the sky, which were not, as some people thought, shooting stars, but actually Santa and the sleigh flying from country to country. Mrs. Claus consoled the second-tier reindeer: "There’s always next year," she said. "Eat lots of candy canes to build strength." She had to keep collecting their tears in a bucket, because reindeer tears, as everyone knows, are like acid and could eat through the ship’s hull.
Just then there was a huge crack and a shudder, and the ship stopped. "We hit an iceberg!" Mrs. Claus shouted. The ship tilted and started to take on water. The elves shrieked high-pitched elf screams. Mrs. Claus fanned herself and even the Abominable Snowman seemed halfway dismayed.
But the second-tier reindeer seemed energized. "Everyone grab onto one of us," one of the reindeer said, and they flew everyone to safety, back onto the North Pole ice shelf. When Santa returned, he rewarded all the second-tier reindeer by promising them that next year, they would all be top reindeer and get their very own stocking full of bulk candy, and they all cheered and high-fived hooves.
But one of the elves, obviously depressed, said: "But what about the yacht" Everyone was sad for a half second before Santa smiled and reached one hand deep, deep, deep into his bag of gifts, so deep everyone thought he would lose his hand down in the depths, so deep that he could have been reaching all the way to the South Pole, and brought out . . . jet packs for everyone! "Much better than any old yacht," Santa said, and everyone cheered.