Sweet Little Nothings
We all called it a shotgun wedding cause Debby’s hitchin’ was fast – the ceremony four weeks after the proposal. That and our Pappy grabbed the shotgun and threatened to shoot the Hatfield cur that touched his daughter. Oh, and the fella’s Pappy grabbed his shotgun too, and said no son of his would marry a McCoy. But the wedding went on, taking place on our shooting range. So us four daughters dressed up all pretty with wildflowers in our hair and stood next to Debby. Our dog named Nobody Loves Me wagged his tail at visitors, then howled when people petted him. Some cousin welded an arch out of truck bumpers, and it sure looked shiny in the sun. Everyone on both sides of the aisle had gun bulges under their Sunday finest, and none looked too pleased, specially the fathers. But Debby had told us she had a plan.
When it came time for the vows, they recited them and then she done took a lollipop out with swirls of blue and red – thems the unofficial colors of each family. Debby and her hubby licked up and down both sides at the same time, and people started to realize. We’re all swirled together now, doggonit! She took a box and handed out wedding candy lollipops to everyone, even Nobody Loves Me. Them lollipops ended up softening all those hard folks, and next thing you know, we’re all dancing as one big happy family on the dusty dirt lot. Well, the shotgun wedding would have gone off without a hitch if the sheriff hadn’t shown up. He held up a half eaten lollipop and said one word: evidence. Turns out all the lollipops had been lifted from a nearby store. Also turns out the groom did the lifting. So next thing you know, the groom’s trussed up in the back of the squadder, riding away without his bxride, who ran alongside saying she’d wait for him. Nothin’ sexier than a honeymoon out on bail, Pappy said. And ain’t that the truth.